If ... (by various authors)

·        If you can start the day without caffeine,

·        If you can get going without pep pills,

·        If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

·        If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

·        If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

·        If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

·        If you can overlook it when those who love you take it out on you when something goes wrong through no fault of yours,

·        If you can take criticism and blame without resentments,

·        If you can ignore a friend’s limited education and never correct him,

·        If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

·        If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

·        If you can conquer tension without medical help,

·        If you can relax without liquor,

·        If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

·        If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics, 

… then, my friend, you are almost as good as your Dog.

(Author unknown)
(German translation here and here)

*****

Another, different Version:

If you can start the day without caffeine, if you can get along without pep pills, if you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles.

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, if you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, if you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, though no fault of yours, something goes wrong.

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, if you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him/her, if you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend.

If you can face the world without lies and deceit, if you can conquer tension without medical help, if you can relax without liquor, if you can sleep without the aid of drugs, 

If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics, 

Then, my friend, you are ALMOST as good as your dog. 

(Linda Gentille, Cape May, NJ, U.S.A.)

*****

Another, different Version:

Are you really the super Being? 

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time.

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than an poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,

THEN, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.

Then, my friend, you are Almost as good as your dog,

Almost, but not quite,

Because besides not having any of your hang-ups and vices,

He would without hesitation, give up his life for you if need be. 

(Virginia Trendall, 1976)